"How many times do I have to call you? You get yourself moving! You're going to be late for school!" These are the desperate sounds of a frustrated parent trying to hurry a youngster through the morning ritual called "getting ready for school." Unfortunately, this child is moving at a snail's pace. This drama, played out in many homes every morning, starts the day off with a battle.
Children find creative ways to tell their parents how they feel. They seldom use words. Most often they use actions to let them know they don't like the way things are being handled. Nothing is more confusing or frustrating to parents.
It would be much easier to be a parent if children would talk to us and say things such as, "I want to be able to think for myself. I'm dragging my feet so you can see that reminders won't work with me." But, they don't do this. Their way of getting us to understand is to use actions such as slowing down when we push.
Parents aren't mind readers, so it's natural to misread their child's actions and assume that they are lazy or don't care. The natural reaction is to then push, punish, or remind them to change their behavior. The child then increases the actions to show that the parent is wrong, and the battle is on.
The first hour of the day is the very best time to teach children to be responsible by allowing them to do most of their own thinking. It's also the time when parents can let their children do most of the work, since most jobs at that time of the day really belong to the children.
Guideline 1: Decide which jobs belong to the parent and which belong to the youngster. Jobs like setting the alarm clock the night before, waking up to the alarm, choosing clothes, dressing, washing, watching the clock, remembering lunch money and school supplies, and even deciding how much to eat really belong to the child. That doesn't leave much for the parent.
The only person who should suffer consequences if these jobs are neglected is the youngster. Let the school provide the consequences when the child is late.
Guideline 2: Stay out of the reminder business. Reminders rob children of the opportunity to make mistakes needed to learn the lessons.
Guideline 3: Don't rescue! In other words, we don't put them in the car and take them to school and we don't write an excuse to the teacher. Rescuing children robs them of the opportunity to learn lessons at emotional times when they will be best remembered.
Guideline 4: Replace anger with sadness when children make mistakes. A wise parent , seeing their child is going to be late, says, "Oh, Honey, I'm sorry you're going to have a problem with your teacher. I sure hope you can work it out."
Loving parents have difficulty watching children learn from life's natural consequences. It's far easier to yell, threaten and punish than it is to remain quiet and let children learn from experience. It is a strong parent who can allow a child to learn from his or her mistakes.
Use Consequences Instead of Threats and Anger.